Saturday, August 3, 2013

I've Been Working On Some Short Stories

I've been working on some short stories.  Below is the beginning of one that I have completely re-written.  I recently read and thought it was awful and I wondered what I was thinking leaving it like that for so long.  I suppose I hadn't looked at that particular beginning in a while.  I was more focused on the ending.  If the beginning isn't good though, how can I expect a reader to make it to the end.  Below, I know it's better than what I had before, but is it enough?

Cool morning light streamed in through the glass doors and floor to ceiling windows.  The rough whip of shirts, as I shook them free of packing dust and smacked them onto the rolling folding table, was the only noise that broke the silence.  I looked at the beauty of the day, my jaw clenched.  I wanted to walk out the glass doors to somewhere else.  My retail job had become comfortable and stale.  I yearned to make a difference somewhere, but I didn’t think it could be here.

The glass doors broke open, a young man walked into the store.  He was attractive, possibly my age, not one of those middle-aged businessmen and women I had gotten used to seeing in the mornings.  I noticed him and smiled.  Neutral smile.  The smile of greeting that I give to all customers. He seemed generally pleased by it, as any other customer would.  I took it as just another moment in a day that I expected to be uneventful.

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